“A friend to all is a friend to none.” – Aristotle
You no doubt have friends of many stripes, a few qualifying as “close,” a larger group more appropriately described as being “acquaintances” and the majority probably being somewhere in between. It can be a useful exercise on occasion to review the list of those with whom you associate, asking yourself where they came from and if you’ve maximized the creative potential of the relationship.
If the association is predicated on destructive purposes, it may be time to let go of that connection. If however, there remains a sense of promise, that is, an opportunity for an increase in creative output between you and another, then it may be worth exploring more deeply.
The primary purpose of friendship is to magnify the radiant influence of the individuals involved into the world around them. Relationships founded on any other purpose are likely to do more harm than good, to both the individuals involved and the world at large.
There are several types of so-called friendships that might not be worth your time or effort. At the top of the list are the following:
- The “needy” friend whose calls for assistance do not aim to resolve the matter at hand. These so-called friends who would rather commiserate than collaborate. They are convinced of certain failure and uninterrupted limitation and they want to take you along for the ride.
- The friends “of convenience” who only appear on the scene when they want something from you. Some real friendships start this way, but if they fail to grow beyond that starting point, they may not be worth much investment.
- The “ledger-keeper” friend who will always show up for you in a pinch but with strings attached. He or she keeps a detailed record of that which you’ve been given and will tend to lord it over you at the most inappropriate or awkward times.
- The “whinger” whose only mode of communication with you is complaint. The lesser whingers complain only about others and how badly done by they are by the world around them, while the greater whingers train their complaint on you, never failing to point out how what you are doing is frustrating their fulfillment.
- The “yes-man” friend who does not stand in your way when you are going in the wrong direction. Such friends enable your destruction faster than any enemy of yours ever will.
I happened upon this consideration after a friend of mine introduced me to a friend of his the other day. They have been friends for 37 years – a remarkable accomplishment by any measure – and it was nice to see that familiarity does not always breed contempt. That said, while reviewing my day later that evening it occurred to me that it matters not so much how long you’ve been friends, but most important is the degree to which your friendship has blessed the world.
To avoid getting bogged down by a witches’ brew of company you must be clear about your life purpose. In other words, a life lived on purpose will result in friendships formed on purpose.
“A man’s growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Gregory Hake 
No kidding. Gosh, it’s so much better to be aware of this, consciously, than to have to have the issue forced through oftentimes painful circumstances. That amounts to time lost, time that will never be recovered, and you think of how many friends you could have maybe formed during the time you were trying so hard to see eye to eye.
True friendships are a goldmine, shining far and wide and speak of the exponential laws that weave through the fabric of the universe. And it so happens to work for the better or for the worse, and anybody in their right mind would only live to make things better.
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Friendship is to be greater than the sum of its parts. It is good to have this in mind. It does bring a review of how we are are actually generatively living.
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Friendship is recognized as one of the great values in the world, and no doubt it is that, but the faux patterns of friendship that you expose here tend to skew understanding of what constitues genuine friendship. Cronyism, alliances based on malintent, relationships that are bought and paid for…take these out of the equation and one recognizes how rare genuine friendship is.
To be a friend in the truest and most consistent way – here is a lifetime’s challenge!
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Great explanation! Friendships that are maintained on any basis other than “to magnify the radiant influence of the individuals involved into the world around them” can become a millstone around the neck. I’ve seen many friendships that are akin to blackmail keeping alive the maxim “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”. No thanks !
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I love the quote of Emerson’s. Friends come and go. Some because of proximity, others because we change and hopefully evolve as a person. Some I guess the least number evolve in consonance they tend to last the longest and even when the proximity changes the depth of harmony is alive. I think each life will have a variety and all are significant to the whole of our lives. Some are fortunate enough to find one another and marry!
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I have realized that it’s better to have no or few friends than to have any in the categories the thou have mentioned. True, lasting friends will come your way and it’s worth the wait. In any case, whether you are lucky enough to have many good or a few good friends, it’s always best to focus on being a good friend and living a life on purpose vs. what you can get from another.
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So true.
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This is a great description of the common things that you need to look out for when making (or keeping) friends. People long for companionship, but it is wrong to sacrifice integrity to achieve the comfort that friends provide. Sometimes you have to cut people out of your life, and the only thing you should regret is where you missed opportunities to make the relationship a generative one.
The truth is, if you are a person of integrity you will sometimes lose friends. It’s just the way things are right now. However, with patience and consistency friends do come along that will form the kind of relationship that betters both people.
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