“The expectation of gratitude is human; the rising superior to ingratitude is almost divine. To desire recognition of our acts of kindness and to hunger for appreciation and the simple justice of a return of good for good, is natural. But man never rises to the dignity of true living until he has the courage that dares to face ingratitude calmly, and to pursue his course unchanged when his good works meet with thanklessness or disdain.” ~ William George Jordan
If you are like most people, you probably keep a mental tally of sorts as to who has done right by you and who has wronged you. This tendency is an offshoot of judgment, an attempt to make sense of an often nonsensical world. It is the attempt to sort out the good from the bad, to keep those close who are perceived to be favorable and to keep a distance from those perceived to be hostile.
This, as Mr. Jordan asserts, is a peculiarly human quality, but is there not more to us than the collection of human traits and characteristics we’ve inherited or developed over time? The last time I checked we were still called “human beings” and not just “human.” The human part of us is activated or animated as it were by the particular focus of life within us. How did Sting put it? “We are spirits in the material world…”
The question is: do you dare to rise above the accepted norm, beyond the constraints of so called “human nature?” Why not, really? What do you have to lose? Maybe a false friend or two? I hate to upset the apple cart here, but many relationships are formed to preserve and perpetuate the state of mediocrity with which human beings have become tragically comfortable. Maybe some aspect of your ego? Please excuse me once again, but the world order we’ve built on relational egos is a far cry from a world built on the dignity of true living.
One of the challenges you must meet if you are to rise up into the experience of optimal living and out of the state of merely “getting along in life” is to develop and maintain the capacity to be who you are regardless of what is going on round about. You must, as Jordan said so clearly, learn to “pursue [your] course unchanged when [your] good works meet with thanklessness or disdain.” This is one of the marks of a true leader worthy of respect and following.
“Man should have only one court of appeals as to his actions, not “what will be the result?” “how will it be received?” but “is it right?” Then he should live his life in harmony with this standard alone, serenely, bravely, loyally and unfalteringly, making “right for right’s sake” both his ideal and his inspiration.” ~ William George Jordan
Do the right thing because it is the right thing to do and do not worry about how it will be received. This is the formula for successful living and try as you may, you cannot substitute any of the ingredients.
Gregory Hake 
Well, no excuse needed. We are told, aren’t we, to just ‘get along’ huh? Why can’t we just ‘get along’? What the heck does that mean? To just get along implies we’ve got to find a common denominator in the way things currently are, and so we preach things like tolerance and patience as if those things can be pasted on a deep belief system which is at its heart intolerant and impatient. We will try to be better people and have more tolerance.
I don’t see how that can ever happen unless there is a change at the root, at the heart of the matter. In the deep beliefs held by human hearts and human minds. To allow the divine aspect in people to shine through, which carries the intrinsic qualities of tolerance and patience and many other noble attributes, the heart and mind (as you’ve mentioned many times before) have to be made supple and responsive to the dictates of the spirit, which of course implies a radical change in the belief structures held in them. To change these structures, a good amount of work and dedication to living a life in truth, in every single sense of what that means, must be undertaken. Truth has to be the common denominator, and must be the starting point, however small it may be in one’s life, for anyone who wishes to drink from the fountains of splendor and rise above as you say, to experience a truly better life. Let us not be fooled by the ads that sell quality living in visible glamour and riches – this is an internal thing and must contain internal lure and attraction. That’s one way to sniff out the impostors!
LikeLike
Wonderful, thank you
LikeLike
I’ve enjoyed your many posts on friendship (one of my favorites in the archives is “Words to Live by from Abraham Lincoln and Gregg Hake” http://gregghake.com/2010/02/words-to-live-by/). It takes a true man or woman to be a true friend. These are a rare breed on earth, but your blog gives me hope (:
LikeLike
Beautiful post! Excellent points as to how we can break through the ceiling of mediocrity! Have a great day!!
LikeLike
Dismay or disdain over an undesirable reaction to acts of kindness is like planting seeds in a garden and then pouring poison over them instead of water.
LikeLike
Real life is not a popularity contest…that would be highschool and politics.
LikeLike
If your actions are predicated on what will be acceptable, you have sold your soul, you become a slave to others ignoble judgements. I dare say every person will come to this crossroads many times. The high road is…well, higher! Thanks Gregg, your words are like light that exposes the darkest corners of human beings.
LikeLike
Relational egos is an apt way to discibe what passes for friendship. The litmus test is righteousness. True friends are bonded by their personal affinity to righteousness, when the winds blow they remain steadfast.
Thanks for the post.
LikeLike