Taking Time to Grow by Mary Mapes Dodge
‘Mamma! mamma!’ two eaglets cried,
‘To let us fly you’ve never tried.
We want to go outside and play;
We’ll promise not to go away.’
The mother wisely shook her head:
‘No, no, my dears. Not yet,’ she said.
‘But mother, dear,’ they called again,
‘We want to see those things called men,
And all the world so grand and gay,
Papa described the other day.
And – don’t you know? – he told you then
About a little tiny wren,
That flew about so brave and bold,
When it was scarcely four weeks old?’
But still the mother shook her head;
‘No, no, my dears, not yet,’ she said.
‘Before you see the world below,
Far bigger you will have to grow.
There’s time enough to look for men;
And as for wren’s – a wren’s a wren.
What if your freedom does come late?
An eaglet can afford to wait.
Haste, they say, makes waste. But why? There are undoubtedly many reasons why this is true, chief among them is the tendency to miss important facts, factors, steps or phases in what would otherwise be a coordinated, coherent and complete creative process.
Childhood should never be rushed. There are important phases in childhood development that, skipped or hurried, result in flat spots that can be quite challenging to overcome later in life. And later may be sooner than you think! “Terrible twos,” for instance, are more often than not the direct result of an improperly managed infant. Toddlers are not inherently evil and neither are teenagers. Work with an awful teenager for any amount of time and you can quickly identify what was missed, overlooked or circumvented in his or her earlier years.
Parents and caregivers bare the burden of responsibility for the end product, except in cases where there is a legitimate limitation, such as a chemical imbalance or a genetic abnormality. A childhood must be carefully managed and custom-tailored to each child. There is no magic formula.
Each and every child born to this earth comes with a unique set of potentialities and needs. In this sense, every child is a “special needs” child. The perfect mix of nourishment, encompassment and supervision for one child is rarely optimal for another. A wren’s a wren and to the degree that we forget that we stunt the growth and development of children everywhere.
Gregory Hake 
Beautiful post. How caring and considerate your words are. Children can not be treated as if they were mass produced. I think we didn’t come with directions because they’d all be different. As a parent discovers they have a purpose that is uniquely theirs they become able to help their child discover his or her own. On that basis each child has a journey that is distinctive as well.
Have a Happy Holiday.
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Mass production is so last century! It’s time to move on…
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These are great points! Your mentioning that teenagers are not inherenty evil reminded me of your post last February on Monty Roberts http://gregghake.com/2010/02/27/monty-roberts-compassionate-leadership-and-trust/ – I remember seeing in his documentary that he worked with troubled teens and had success with helping them to turn their lives around with these very principles. It takes compassionate, attention to detail, and innovation among other traits, and as someone who works with children and young adults in my practice I was so thankful to read your post and feel your concern and dedication to the subject. Have a Merry Christmas!
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You too and thanks for reminding me of that old post!
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I’ve really enjoyed reading the poetry on your posts. This one is a beautiful reminder of how important the role of timing, nourishment and patience is in the care of our children.
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Poetry is such a wonderful genre! Thank you for your comment.
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Wow I really like the new blog format!
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Thanks! Me too.
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There are many parts of growing up that the poem touched on nicely. What if the mother eagle wasn’t so wise? “Oh sure darlings, go right ahead and try to fly, I saw the wren do it yesterday…” Parenting is a heavy responsibiliy. But it is definetly worth it. The leverage to change the future is with parents. I don’t know if most parents see it that way, but what you do with your children will echo through the ages, whether you wish it or not.
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Patience is paramount, As I am certain our children have demonstrated when dealing with us “Grown-ups” at times. Growing together is a wonderful opportunity, and needs to be taken advantage of fully as the developmental phase of the relationship is where the goods are, Foundationally speaking, where we turn when things get rocky, and where they turn also and come to depend…..like the teenage years.
Leave them Alone, Leave them Alone, and, oh yes I forgot Leave them Alone. Let the process unfold without ingecting it with our tendancies to retard the process, with best intentions of course…..wasn’t it said that those pave the road to somewhere quick?
Thanks for your perfect timing, as always
Look forward to continue to “Grow-up” With you, and our children!!
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Soon to become a new mother, I am comforted having your blog as a resource for guidance and remembrance. Thank you for a wonderful year filled with insight, observations and wisdom through your amazing Blog! 2011 is sure to be the best yet! Warm holiday greetings to you and your family!
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Thank you so much and best wishes for the upcoming new addition to your family!
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