My wife and I ate dinner with friends at a fabulous Korean restaurant twice this past weekend, which is unremarkable apart from the fact that we closed the restaurant both nights because our conversations were so engaging.
The first night we didn’t realize how late it had become and while the staff politely waited for us to leave, it was clear that they were ready to go and were discomfited by our lingering. We apologized of course, and ate elsewhere the next night. To our surprise and delight, our friends asked if we could eat at the same Korean restaurant the next night and I have to admit that I was not so sure that our return would be welcomed by the waiters and manager.
We ended up have another long conversation about the future of medicine and life in general and when the restaurant got quiet I looked at my watch. It was late again and I thought to myself “uh oh, I hope they’re not upset.”
Just as I finished that thought, the owner came around the corner with a pot of green tea that we had not ordered, but were certainly thankful for. She thanked us for our patronage and kindly bid us stay stay long as we wished. This was a simple, yet powerful gesture that diffused any and all harmful tension and earned her a spot in the serving hall of fame!
To be effective in serving others you must stay light on you’re feet and manage tension effectively. If an unnatural or unrelieved tension builds when you’re serving another, find ways to creatively diffuse it. Remember that pressure and tension are a natural and important part of any creative process, but when it becomes excessive or is compelling those involved to move in the wrong direction, don’t be afraid to display artistry in managing tension as you move through any and every process.
Gregory Hake 
It’s true that there are times when excess tension is just that, something that needs to be artistically diffused or redirected. Creative tension is another thing, of course, and one can become so good at diffusing tensions that nothing ever happens! So much in life comes down to knowing the difference and to working consciously with the wide variety of tensions that come into play.
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Sounds like you had some great discussions! Managing tension can be a learned process in some instances as the cycle may be an integral part of it. Learning to manage it generally I think takes selflessness and empathy. Great story!
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The skill of being able to feel excessive tension in others is a skill primarily related to empathy. You have to be able to understand what the other person is feeling to have any chance of serving them well.
In many Asian cultures, the ability to serve others has been codified and turned into an art form. The original intention of this art was to be the best host possible and to understand your guests so well that you could effortlessly understand and meet their needs.
Really, being a host or hostess is all about unlocking tension. Yet I wonder how this skill can be used in the rest of our lives? Sometime tension is needed, but often when I have seen unneeded tension there is someone nearby that has the ability to diffuse it. I think there is definitely an art to knowing which is which, and to navigating these skills effectively.
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Thanks Greg and Zach for your words about the Asian cultures and their interest to be the best host possible. It is good to see how tensions can be used creatively to advantage in serving our worlds.
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excxellent point!
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