The pace of personal growth is directly related to the ability to apply lessons learned in one area of living to as many others as fitting and as time permits. These are the “aha” moments or personal victories, the magical moments where an area of limitation is overcoming, where frustration gives way to satisfaction.
I’ve been pouring over an insightful and well-written book on horseback riding called Reflections on Riding and Jumping by William Steinkraus and I cannot help but mark the passages that stand out to me most in this reading, while zooming out and drawing parallels to other fields of activity in which I feel privileged to work.
Today’s realization applies neatly to the business of management, particularly human resources, though I am sure you’ll see other applications in your field of responsibility that are equally if not more valuable and meaningful. Steinkraus advises that horsemen must never forget the fact that horses are always bigger and more powerful than we are (as is the larger team in relation to its manager). As such, we must find subtle and creative ways to gain dominion over its strength and might, lest we succumb to the temptation to dominate it through force or coarser strategies.
Steinkraus describes this beautifully in chapter five:
In all of this, you must remember that the horse is your partner. Of course, there are all sorts of partnerships, some quite equal, others involving a considerable degree of domination by one of the partners. But it is important for the horse to always retain a sense of its own volition and spirit; if you dominate it to the point that it becomes only a prisoner, and cannot freely give itself to you, you will never get the best of which it is capable. In other words, if you can’t get the horse to accept and enjoy its relationship with you, and to accept the mechanisms through which you communicate with it, then those measures aren’t any good in the final analysis, no matter how effective they may seem for a while. I’ve seen a lot of horses that have been bullied by their riders and made to do everything through strength, coercion and the threat of pain. Their riders often brag about their accomplishments and all the things they can make their horses do. In the end, however, if the horse can’t learn to like it, their riders’ accomplishments are illusory and temporary, because the horse will always get the last word. Sometimes the word is funny, sometimes tragic (some riders aren’t aware of what they’ve done until the horse “comes up empty,” if then); but the horse will get the last word, even so.
This approach applies as much in the boardroom and classroom as it does the riding ring. Sure you can gain a measure of control by forced compliance, but if those for whom you are responsible do not share their powers with you out of love and respect, the relationship will be neither lasting nor satisfying.
Gregory Hake 
Thanks for bringing this together!
The converse is as applicable, and the need great, for those with the necessary perspective to recognize, that they are the horse, and need to yield to the rider!
Both in application, would save much head butting – or better put – ego butting.
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I see your words relating to the work of a health practitioner. I notice the patients who have been with me the longest have been those who have shared a sense of enjoyment with me as well as the acceptance of ways I have found to communicate with them. I find there is a natural design that emerges in one’s world as there is an acknowledgement of the value of the relationships one does have.
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This is a wonderful point. Satisfying relationships all involve oscillations of give and take. Sharing and interaction always involves degrees of appropriate dominance, and it can sometimes involve a little longer process seemingly, but if getting there is seen as important along with the goal, this topic is worthy of much consideration!
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I have seen a lot of work done with animals, and this approach really makes the most sense. It might take a little more work initially, but in the end you are able to have a much better relationship. There are no shortcuts to this method, either. You have to be confident, controlled, and disciplined in yourself. You can’t give in to anger, frustration, boredom, etc. You have to treat those you are working with as if they have much to give, even if they don’t realize it. You have to have faith that they will live up to their potential.
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This is such a great point that is immediately applicable in any situation, as a parent, spouse, manager, etc. If we attempt to control those around us through coercion and force (and this comes in many forms, some subtle, some not – sarcasm, fear, derision, emotional blackmail, fast thinking for the upper hand, loudness for intimidation, beguilement, suggestion, threats, trickery, manipulation, rules, arbitrariness), then we will get just what the forceful horse trainer gets – loss. We should always look for ways to inspire love and respect and it’s easy to do when those same qualities are that which drive our own motivations.
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True with children, dogs and spouses too. I guess it would apply to any relationship where you have a continuing exchange. When domination is applied it usually appears to be a lack of self confidence in the oppressor and a presumption that their “partner” is inferior in understanding or willingness. Both nullify the creativity that comes from a respectful interchange between people or people and animals.
I’m thoroughly enjoying your excerpts and comments on this book, thank you.
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