Whether life is fated or not, the way in which you handle adversity either softens or hardens your heart.
If you rise the the occasion, meeting the challenges that come your way with courage, honesty, inventiveness, and determination, it matters not if you succeed or fail. Either way you will be a better man or woman for the effort and your heart will be softened and yielded to the wisdom within you.
If, on the contrary, you shrink from the difficulties that come along your path in life, and fail by inaction, withdrawal, cunning, or complaint, then your heart will be hardened to future adversity by virtue of the plaque of shame.
The choice is yours.