Elmer Wheeler, one of America’s classic salesman, understood well the power of persuasive writing and the importance of asking the right questions. He coined the famous slogan: “Say it with flowers” and was the originator of the maxim: “Don’t sell the steak – sell the sizzle.” One of his most powerful pieces of advice came in the form of a simple suggestion: “Don’t ask if – ask which.”

This last “Wheelerpoint” has been employed successfully in the field of sales for decades (and I’m sure longer as Wheeler probably didn’t invent it, but renamed and repackaged it), but it has also been used as a means of keeping people from truly knowing and understanding themselves. Allow me to explain.

Alternate of choice questions abound in pop psychology. Questions like: “Are you right-brained or left-brained?” or “Are you a heart person or a mind person?” are used by people keen on understanding themselves and those around them, but to me such questions are deceptive and generally unhelpful.

Your heart and mind are not what you are, they are tools you have. As such, both questions above are specious. How can you truthfully answer either question if you are neither? You have both and are probably wired in a way that one is more dominant than the other, but you are neither.

The trouble with believing that these questions are the right questions is that you don’t really get to the core of the issue of identity. And if you don’t really know who you are, how likely is it that your next steps – especially if you intend to work on yourself – are going to be in the right direction?

I’ve noticed over time that people love to weigh these choices and I suspect that the narcissism of small differences has something to do with this fascination. Moreover, at risk of generalizing, it seems that those who finally judge themselves as being “heart” people embark on journeys of narcissistic hedonism while those who side with the “mind” people tend toward narcissistic asceticism. In either case, it’s all about them.

The truth of the matter is that the question of our individuality is, oddly enough, not all about us. Sure we are individual and unique focalizations of the ethereal quality we call “life”, but our identity is not known to us by virtue of introspection, it is made known to us by reason of our expression.

I contend that we as a species will be restricted to a life of supposition and of self-styled imagination until we come to the point where we finally admit to ourselves that it’s not all about us. We are laboring under a pathological narcissism and that self-obsession is preventing us from truly knowing ourselves. And that laboring, dear readers, is in vain.

If you doubt my analysis, look at yourself or look around you. How many adults have a weak sense of self and require constant validation?

This is a chronic illness for which there is a simple remedy: a dose of the truth. The truth is that you are a wonderful and highly specialized focus of creative influence and your opportunity, should you choose to accept it, is to use your heart and mind to magnify that inner reality, to give outer, visible evidence of that inner presence. When you do accept this truth, you no longer make the fallacious statement: “I am what I have.” Instead, you find the voice that allows you to say – as few on earth have – “I am what I am.”