“If you will think about what you ought to do for other people, your character will take care of itself. Character is a by-product, and any man who devotes himself to its cultivation in his own case will become a selfish pig.” ~ Woodrow Wilson
I cannot think of a section in the bookstore that is more damaging to the lives of earnest men and women than the one placarded “Self-Improvement.” This may sound strange coming from me, given that I have over 750 consecutive daily posts that could easily be mistaken as being tips for self-improvement, but there is an ocean of difference between the self-centered “working on yourself” that is so common today and the organic refinement that comes as a by-product of serving others.
You cannot think your way into the ideal. It must emerge from the inside-out. Your highest and finest expression will come not as a result of something you’ve pasted on. It will emerge naturally as you dedicate yourself in service – or put otherwise as you “lay down your life” – for those within your direct and indirect field of influence.
There is the commonly held belief that you can take the best you’ve seen in others and incorporate it into your being in order to become a better person. I imagine that some improvement can be made using such an approach and I must confess, I relied on this heavily in my late teens and early twenties, but you are not a patchwork quilt. You are meant to be an integrated, dynamic and wholly original web – a resilient and strong matrix of the finest silk produced by means of your spirit finding expression through your service to others, not a mishmash of borrowed, copied or recycled material.
There is no textbook per se for this type of living, though the principles that lead to its manifestation are no secret. The trick is that knowledge of them is not enough. You must reveal them in your living to truly understand them. The only means I know of shortening the learning curve (and as the more advanced in years of my readers will attest, the time we have on earth is relatively short) is through serving others. Helping others to become better people by providing encouragement and inspiration at every turn is, in my book, the shortest way to becoming a better person yourself.
Gregory Hake 
When we give up trying to change others, we look around for someone else to “work on” and find ourselves. The self-help industry would have us believe this shift is necessary and sufficient.
As your post points out so well what’s really required is to leave aside the whole “working on” paradigm and all its conversations — “life’s a struggle”, “life’s hard”, it’s all about working or doing or striving — and take up being for others.
Congratulations on reaching 750 consecutive daily posts! That really takes something.
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I think that this is something where people get stuck in an analysis paralysis loop. They read self help books when they have all the tools at their fingertips already, and all they need to do is get up and start living their lives for someone other than themselves. There is no need to plan out how you are going to progress for the next twenty years in your life. If you are really living things will change so much between now and then that there is really no point. Now I am not saying that there is no need to have vision, because that is a vital prerequisite; but a vision that is complete in the details is not what we are going for. If you live a life that is about serving others, and not about serving yourself, you are going to be just fine.
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Well that just blows the cover on self-centeredness!
Where in the world we came up with the idea that more self-centeredness would assist us in finding a way out of problems created by self-centeredness, I’m uncertain….
This sound, clear and simple message make a tonne more sense, even from a selfish perspective!
Love this consideration, it’s application will certainly change the world for which I am responsible, immediately.
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Your blog definitely offers the reader wisdom beyond the limitations of the “self-help” genre.
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Thank you for your clear words. Such simplicity saves a lot of time and makes our lives what they ought to be. Thanks for laying down your life for us. It is good to put away thiings that may have been part of our means of functioning in the past. You have laid out a clear way for effective and fulfilling living. SERVE OTHERS!
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Excellent points here. While there is a place and a need for discipline, development of character muscle, etc., the musculature involved is still the vehicle for something, not the thing itself. One may become a highly disciplined, muscular specimen with nothing of any note flowing through the capacity!
Discipline, renewed habits, self-control…all of these are vital, but until the artistry and power within us flows into active, spontaneous service to others, it is meaningless. We may become more adept at making a mess, but that is hardly commendable! Thanks for making these vital distinctions.
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I enjoy reading biographies and one of the hall marks of the finest people is their dedication to others. It’s demonstrated in myriad ways, philanthropic, courageous leadership, genius discovery, literarily, etc. The commonality is they somehow got the message that their life matters and the conduit for understanding was through service to their fellow man. Most who rise to this seldom enjoy the love and acceptance of all, for to do this you will distinguish yourself and as the record has shown that breeds jealousy, hate and often times just fear of the revealing light. We are unique beings with a specific part to play. There’s no” how to” book for that but some may inspire us so we recognize the apertures in our lives. Wonderful post thank you.
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This makes sense and I’m surprised more books haven’t been written about this point. Why would it be different than any other thing we must learn!
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