There is no greater habit to develop than that of giving your best in everything you undertake, without excuse, pretense or apology. It is a simple matter, really, yet we in all of our intelligence tend to complicate it unnecessarily. We let our emotions take over, develop bad habitual reactions and develop prejudices over time that end up dumbing us down.
William George Jordan shared an interesting story on the topic in his book, The Majesty of Calmness:
“Edwin Booth, one of the greatest actors on the American stage, would never permit himself to assume an ungraceful attitude, even in his hours of privacy. In this simple thing, he ever lived his best. On the stage every move was one of unconscious grace. Those of his company who were conscious of their motions were the awkward ones, who were seeking in public to undo or to conceal the carelessness of the gestures and motions of their private life.”
I must admit that I am captivated by the idea of “unconscious grace,” for it speaks to the attainment of perfection in the doing of a thing. I’ve seen it expressed in a child’s smile, in an athlete’s performance of a lifetime, in a horse’s free gallop. It is a revelation of inner greatness undistorted by the myopic lens of self-consciousness.
So how do you get there? Is it serendipity? That may have something to do with it, but I am convinced that we can function in a way that sets the stage for unconscious grace at every turn.
What about you?
Gregory Hake 
It seems that the quality of grace ends up being the result of the inner commitment and care to do your best. If we really care about the little things, the big things and the things that no one sees us do, then that becomes who you are. From there, how could unconscious grace not be expressed!
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Beautifully said – thank you Brigitte
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Perhaps Unconscious Grace can best be achieved by “forgotting oneself”. An example would be a sales presentation where the presenter (the sales rep) is not focusing on their own feelings but instead is totally locked in to and focusing on the prospective client and their feelings, focusing on asking them questions and discovering (together) where the value for the client would be and then moving forward together. This to me is an example of art, which is closely related to Unconscious Grace.
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While there is surely an essence to graceful and gracious function that is beyond anything one can learn or practice, there are undoubtedly those habits to be developed which will permit the serendipitous flowing of unconscious, or unselfconscious, grace. How frequently a wonderful moment or cycle is spoiled by graceless or ungracious reactions! It takes vigilance and practice to set the stage continually, as you put it, for spontaneous graciousness!
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It has often been said that a true gentleman (or lady) will practice the same table manners whether dining alone or in company. Why waste time and energy manufacturing a pretense of gracefulness and character when we can as easily cultivate those habits that will under pressure or in unconscious moments reveal themselves as genuine grace and beauty? Great post!
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Cultivating these habits requires deliberate, constant attention. Most find that their ideas about how they would function under pressure are often quite different from what comes out when the heat is on. Genuine grace and beauty under pressure cannot be counted on as the default, especially given the constant barrage of bad examples coming from peers, elders and the media that condition response, consciously and unconsciously.
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I guess it depends on the thing you are doing; some things are rather instinctual and like the child’s smile, as long as they’re not obscured by a metaphorical cloud, they’ll naturally shine through. These clouds can be our bad habits and vices and surely we should care enough to eliminate them if we have them or prevent them if we don’t. Now other things are more a combo of talent/instinct and simple hard work/practice – the development of any skill attests to this. Sometimes it’s more hard work than anything else.
I still think that you have to want for yourself the ‘thing’ you are after more than other wants that conflict with the greater want. If there are addictions or various social ties and pressures for instance, it may be quite challenging and you can bet the greater pull will always win. So for me, the successes I’ve had in my life that have been the most challenging have come through overcoming lesser wants, mindfully connecting with the greater want as often as I could through inspiration (wherever I could find it), and then sheer determination.
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Great points, Ricardo. Determination and specificity are KEY!
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I feel like constant unconscious grace is possible as well. I think the way to do it is to forget about your wants and your needs. Not that there is anything wrong with wanting or needing things, but focusing one’s energies on those things (the things that are coming to you) rather than what you can provide for others (what is coming out of you) does not allow the formation of an unconscious grace. I am convinced that if you provide the necessary conditions for the formation of grace, it will come to you.
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Beautiful thought “unconscious grace”, perhaps with the intention of service to a higher ideal rather then so entangled in the usual conflicts of competing for man’s approval is a beginning. There is a marching to a different drummer that can shape an exceptional individual.
Wonderful subject for deeper consideration, thanks.
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