In giving advice, seek to help, not please, your friend. ~ Solon
Some of the hardest things I’ve had to hear about myself came clothed as advice. Advice, pointers, tips and hints stream from every direction on a regular basis, if you are listening. Delivered by the mouths and pens of both friends and strangers, advice also comes in the form of feedback given by your circumstances.
On the other hand, I am regularly asked by friends, family and business associates for my thoughts and counsel. I’ve found over the years that the most effective way to give advice is to follow two simple rules: (1) don’t limit yourself to giving only happy, warm, fuzzy advice and (2) be strategic in your delivery. If you look to package the advice you give in a way that it is most likely to be received, even the toughest words of wisdom have a chance of landing.
One alarming trend with parents today – likely in reaction to the long swing toward laissez-faire parenting over the last decade – is the phenomenon called helicopter parenting. Such parents hover over and snuff out any flame of self-actualization in their children by over-parenting, over-advising and over-controlling.
Edna St. Vincent Millay once quipped “I am glad that I paid so little attention to good advice; had I abided by it I might have been saved from some of my most valuable mistakes.” Children, like adults, must be given room to make mistakes, for experiential learning is one of the greatest and most penetrating forms of instruction.
To be an effective at receiving advice you must possess sufficient humility to overcome the embarrassment and shame of having been moving in the wrong direction. Far too many people over the years have refused to take advice and cut their losses out of “pride.” Is it really pride or just a lack of humility?
Life, even in these fortunate days where we live well into our 80s and beyond, is too short to spend in ignorance. Good advice can save you minutes, hours or even years when heard and heeded. You must be discerning when it comes to deciding which advice to follow, but you must also take great care not to let yourself off on a technicality.
Allow me to explain. I’ve seen buckets of good advice thrown by the wayside because the intended recipient took offense to how it was delivered. Perhaps the messenger had a bad hair day, was careless or insensitive or pushy when delivering the advice, but truly humble is the man, woman or child who can see past the delivery method or style, recognize the good advice at the heart of the message and make the change.
When it comes to advice, it is best to receive it and give it with humility and equanimity. Eternal progress is at your fingertips!
Gregory Hake 
So many good points here……learning to live better should be our aim, in all things, and there is great value in making mistakes, so long as it does not keep repeating in kind nor great injury ensues. I suppose even if there is tragedy, if something positive can be rescued then all has not gone to waste. The impediments of wisdom — pride and lack of humility — are some of the artificial barriers we impose which stifle our natural process of growth and change if we would just let it. Good to be mindful on these things this morning……!
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Touchy subject. If you become proficient at giving and accepting advice you’re usually are called a good friend.
Great post,good writing, thanks.
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Why thank you!
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Greatly appreciate the mention of “Proper Packaging” of what is being offered. Back of the packaging also, is assuring the one offering the advice is clothing the advice with sufficient experience, illustrating or demonstrating in living that one has accepted the responsibility oneself.
I’ve had to remind myself lately, Saying nothing is also a strategic option.
Beware Red herrings as a tactic used by the seeker, to avoid the Point, or in most cases responsibility, Avoiding the issue through distraction, simply play along… don’t bite!!! We use the very principles that would save us against ourselves…. food for thought…..
Thanks Gregg
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Silence is golden sometimes!
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When I’m able to look at myself from a “not so personal” perpective, I have found that I just may not see everything as perfectly as I thought.
Your advice is well taken – there is never any harm in hearing what someone has to say. Why not listen with an open heart and mind. After all, if they are right, and you don’t listen, you will be tossing aside one of the most precious gifts – an opportunity to develop character, grow and mature.
If they’re wrong – no harm, no foul.
If it’s somewhere in between – do a little mining for the things that do apply to you.
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Great points, thanks!
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I’ve even found that when I am insulted, it is in my best interest to look very hard and see if any part of the insult was something that I could improve on. If you are honest with yourself about taking criticism, you will fix what you can and not worry about what you can’t. But being tough on yourself relative to which category the issue falls into is important. I also think it is important to be strategic in giving criticism, and that is something I have had to work hard on in my life. If the criticism is vital to that person’s well being (and they probably won’t understand that), then you better make sure the criticism is well timed and well placed.
Thanks for another great post!
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Fixing what you can and not going back is necessary, but not always sufficient to forward movement. A good sense of timing on making the necessary changes greatly increases the odds of living a successful and inspiring life. Thanks for your comment!
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Thanks for these points. Very helpful! The quotes are great too.
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Thank you!
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