I am inclined to agree more with Theodore Roosevelt’s assessment that courtesy is “as much a mark of a gentleman” than with Honore de Balzac’s less encouraging assessment of courtesy being “only a thin veneer on the general selfishness.” While the latter may be more predominantly the case, the former holds in it the promise of a brighter future, where the entropic nature of human nature is overcome by specific and deliberate action.
We are not slaves to human nature, although we are born into a world ruled by it. It is generally assumed that you must struggle to free yourself from the chains of human nature, that somehow through human intelligence it can be annihilated, but it is soon revealed to those who attempt to overcome on this basis that struggling only reinforces subjection to, as with a Chinese finger puzzle.
You cannot fear something so much that you eventually gain freedom from it. Likewise, you cannot hate something so much that you eventually are released from its grasp on you. Fear and hatred bind you to the subject of your antipathy. You inevitably move in the direction of your emotional response.
A true lady or gentleman recognizes that fear and hatred are never creative motivations. Both are survival instincts, developed over generations of living in a world that has come under the dominion of human nature, but neither are natural. They serve as a default mechanism for dealing with an often confusing and twisted world, yet in a truly refined lady or gentleman such defaults are never employed as a first line of defense let alone pulled out as a last resort. They are dropped from the vocabulary of “Being” altogether.
Men and women have marveled at the apparent power and seeming invincibility of human nature for centuries, if not eons. Human nature is the great and mighty usurper and those who would dare face it in battle face not so much a formidable foe, but a weak and petty taskmaster who has amassed billions of followers through the years. Its adherents are Christian, Muslim, Agnostic and atheist, in fact, the great god of human nature has little concern for distinctions which has caused its congregation so much grief, such as nationality, race, sex, color or creed. In fact, it welcomes the divisions, for ironically the more divided its congregants are, the more united its congregation is.
The more we fight, the more we argue, the more we disdain, accuse and condemn, the more we play into the hands of human nature. The less we do so, that is, the more we discover common ground, the more we approach one another with an underlying pattern of respect, the more we employ genuine courtesy with one another, the closer we become to one another and to the truth itself.
The truth is never in conflict with itself, therefore if humanity is aligned with the truth it is no longer in conflict with itself. “A tall order,” you might say, to which I reply “the truth eventually prevails.” So, why drag it out? Why not let it be the case in our living? Why not redirect the sense of awe we’ve held for human nature’s beastliness into a pattern of response that moves us in a completely different – more productive and more sensible! – direction?
The choice, ladies and gentleman, is yours. I can point to it. I can describe it in as many ways as I know how. I can implore you, but at the end of the day, the decision as to what you will dedicate your life to rests squarely in your hands.
What will it be?
Gregory Hake 
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So true!
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I dedicate my life to the Truth, and its revelation!
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I think you really nailed it when you said you have the choice of what to dedicate your life to. There really has to be a dedication to leaving human nature, because it has become the default pattern. I’m sure that there are things related to it that most of us do and do not even realize it. We have been trained into human nature, trained by most everything around us. So if you really want to change, you need to dedicate yourself to leaving it behind.
Thanks for continuing to write your blog every day, as these different examples you give are all ways to leave default human nature behind. We want to be exceptional, and eventually make what is now exceptional the norm.
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Makes perfect sense!
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Realizing that “human nature” is not natural is a vital step. As long as we feel that fear and hatred are intrinsic to our nature, we may struggle to be ‘better,’ or to overcome what we believe is a great part of ourselves, but the outcome of such an approach is obvious. Struggling with absences is the essence of futility.
Your posts point cntinuously to what IS natural – the core of love, genuineness, charity, honesty and brilliance which is the birthright of each one, always available to be released into expression. Coming to rest in that powerful reality is the starting point for all that is of substance, meaning and significance.
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Wow, great post. We choose our inclination with every attitude and thought.
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I’m all for it. There is much common ground that unite us all. For the most part, the disdain we feel for others are mostly a product of our imagination, colored by the exaggerated instinctual fears and hates of human nature you describe. I’ve seen this occur many times in my life, where for whatever reason a particular situation or person that irks me and probably thus is irked by me or visa-versa, suddenly when I consciously engage with them or they with me – talk to them, open up a dialogue, talk about the weather, etc. – the walls of resistance come crumbling down, the air is cleared, and suddenly there is natural pleasantness and courtesy that replaces the tension.
All it takes is to initiate the beginning of courteous exchange and these base human feelings literally vanish. It can happen so quickly. I’ve seen that most people will not continue in their disgruntledness if you come across as courteous and respectful. There are always exceptions, and those you simply learn to leave alone for the next opportunity if there is going to be one. The thing is, your position doesn’t have to change depending on the circumstance; you can be consistent through and through, in every detail and exchange in your life, and that to me makes things a whole lot more simple. The ledgers are gone, to whom you are going to be nice to and to whom you are going to be mean. Any cruel expression furthers the circulation of our worst fears, our deepest hates, and thus our most violent and horrible acts.
When seen in this light, it really makes me stop and think twice whether or not I wish to act out in a negative way. It really does contribute to the oppression that has been in this world for way too long.
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I’ve realized that being united with others through a mutual dislike is like being lashed together and jumping in an ocean. You give up your individual ability to direct yourself and become subject to where the mass moves, then it struggles against each other as it eventually drowns in a sea of hate. Being a “communicant in the congregation of human nature” you worship a brutal tyrant that in the end sacrifices it’s members to satisfy it’s desire. Living an uncommon life is a daily choice not a struggle. Thanks for your inspiration to live freely.
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