One of the side effects of cultivating self-reliance in yourself and in others is that you gain an inner reserve that comes no other way. This bank account of surplus confidence, faith and strength can be drawn upon or even invested in others during times of crisis. This is the quality that separates the fair-weather friends from those who will weather any storm with you.
Great men are not threatened by the expression of greatness through others. In fact, they seek them out. They appreciate them, moreover, they look to provide a complement as they are keenly aware of the fact that whole is more than merely the sum of the parts.
William George Jordan shared his thoughts on the matter in this lovely excerpt from his book, “The Majesty of Calmness”:
“The man who is self-reliant does not live in the shadow of someone else’s greatness; he thinks for himself, depends on himself, and acts for himself. In throwing the individual thus back upon himself it is not shutting his eyes to the stimulus and light and new life that come with the warm pressure of the hand, the kindly word and the sincere expressions of true friendship. But true friendship is rare; its great value is in a crisis,―like a lifeboat. Many a boasted friend has proved a leaking, worthless “lifeboat” when the storm of adversity might make him useful. In these great crises of life, man is strong only as he is strong from within, and the more he depends on himself the stronger will he become, and the more able will he be to help others in the hour of their need. His very life will be a constant help and a strength to others, as he becomes to them a living lesson of the dignity of self-reliance.”
If your life is not yet a “constant help and a strength to others,” then you have not yet come into your own and you still have work to do. Serving others on this basis, that is, out of the abundance of your inner strength, you find that the wellspring of your care is inexhaustible. The more your serve on this basis – as a true friend – the stronger you become.
Gregory Hake 
Being a constant help and strength to others is a great bar to set for myself. I will definitely be aspiring to be that. Great inspiration today!!
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Love the picture! (and the post)
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I’ve found many likable and some very enjoyable acquaintances in my life. I have learned that true friends are gifts to be cherished and are rare like precious jems. They are distinctive in how they handle their own lives. Their loyalty to a higher power is evident in their daily choices , from how they do their jobs, to how they treat the Starbucks staff; there is nothing petty to them, nor are they. When the winds of misfortune have blown into my life, their practiced stability was to me like a lighthouse is to a ship navigating dangerous narrows.
Ultimately we all handle our own lives. Self reliant friends assist to support that passion in me that burns to do my best while I’m here.
Great blog series, these are the things I like to think about.
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It does remind me of the oft said paradox, “if you want something done ask a busy person”. We either expand our abilities or allow them to atrophy. If we can’t handle our own troubles with grace, dignity and resourcefulness; how could we expect to have any for friends.
Another fine point to mull over, thanks.
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That is a true statement, and one of those interesting twists in life. Adversity, trials, tribulations – however you wish to call it – call upon our faith and convictions, our acquired skills and instincts. The way we deal with them either weakens us or strengthens us by virtue of this quality of self-reliance I suppose – I never really thought about it this way. It’s obvious to anyone who goes through some tough times and comes out stronger than before, where you feel this sense of strength that was not there before. I guess it’s not so obvious if you come out the other side weaker, more inclined to bemoan the circumstance.
I’m learning alot from these posts of yours, and thank you for taking the time to share them with everyone.
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I have really been loving this series of posts and how I have been thinking so much more of how the development of character. We all have the chance to continually grow and develop and the points you have made and quotes you selected are the kernel of what makes a true man or woman. Thanks for the perfect starting points for living a new life that can actually make a difference.
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There is an unlimited supply of greatness in the world, and I really enjoy to see someone excel at a task they are doing. I think true friendship is a scenario where competition between two people can actually make both better, more quickly. After two people have reached mastery of something, they can push and pull each other to become better than either could have been by themselves. So this is not competition in way we normally think of the word, but rather a pressure to make your friend better than they currently are. That, I think, is one of the hallmarks of true friendship. That is someone who is likely to remain your friend in your hour of need.
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