You may accuse me of becoming a fuddy-duddy and I’m sure I deserve the title in more ways than one, but it seems to me that Western culture, known for its materialistic roots, is becoming increasingly dependent on the drug of instant gratification.
When I was young, email, online shopping, Twitter, Facebook and so many other tools that are shaping today’s youth were the subject of science fiction. Now they are not only real, it’s hard to imagine a world without them.
Instant gratification is now possible, if not expected, because of these tools in many areas where delayed gratification was the norm. But that’s a good thing, right? Well, recent studies tell a different story.
Joachim de Posada shares the results of his illuminating studies on gratification and self-discipline in this brief clip from TED2009:
As with most things, it is not the thing itself that is bad per se (e.g. money is the root of all evil), it is the improper use of the thing that makes it bad (e.g. the love of money is the root of all evil). So it is with the incredible inventions of the information era. We must do more to teach our children the right use of these tools!
If the benefits afforded by these tools are balanced with a deep and anchored self-discipline, the future will be bright. How do we do this? Here are a few of my thoughts:
1. Don’t struggle with the areas of your children’s life where you have no hope of control or influence. Instead, work in the areas that are open to your participation or direction.
2. Expose your children to cycles of longer duration. Handwrite a letter to their grandparents or some distant relative or friend on occasion. Plan out a trip or a weekend in stages, well in advance of its culmination.
3. Resuscitate the tried-but-true piggy-bank or open a savings account. Teach your children about saving for another day.
4. Go to a science museum or a planetarium. Learn about the stars and the planets and their orbits. The cycles and seasons of the universe are fascinating!
5. Consider some form of martial arts. They typically focus on lessons about self-discipline in a setting that is fun and safe.
Gregory Hake 
Great point for everyone. It’s never to late to learn.
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This was hilarious! …the video, not your points (which were very good BTW) (-:
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This has been my greatest challenge as of late, after bringing up children through the past two decades. It is so much more difficult during these days and times to monitor and really inspire my 11 year old to use self control and self discipline. I love the ideas for activities that don’t include computers or cell phones. Thanks for the great post!
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Great thoughts for bringing out the best in children and ourselves as well!
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I hate to admit it but I am probably the girl who tried to eat the inside of the marshmallow out. I agree that instant gratification is a trend that is not in our best interest. Thanks for the post!
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I swear you have a webcam in my house!!!! lol
Your timing on this matter is impeccable, I was, prior to reading this contemplating these matters and getting nowhere in a hurry….Thanks for shining the light and opening the door for a new approach!!!!
Love to you!
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Love this Gregg!! I’m familiar with both the work of Walter Mischel & Joachim de Posada. Mischel did the original research with the marshmallow test (de Posada credits him in the longer version of his TED talk). You may enjoy this New Yorker article I dug up reporting on a long term follow up of the original participants in Walter Mischel’s research at Stanford and on efforts to promote self-control in schools.
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/05/18/090518fa_fact_lehrer
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Good suggestions. I’m really behind you on point #5. The structured (and fun) training techniques of our local Karate studio really has helped build and refine my child’s confidence and self-esteem as well as self-discipline, respect, concentration and manners. I’m sure if his sensei left him with the marshmallow it would still be there after 15 minutes!
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Thanks Gregg, really enjoyed this! A good companion post to this is the one where you feature a talk by Philip Zimbardo https://gregghake.wordpress.com/2010/06/09/the-secret-powers-of-time-save-our-families/
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Loved the concept of Senor de Posada’s experiment. My wife says she wants to try a similar experiment with our 19 year old son (ha ha).
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Mmmm… marshmallows! I surely would have eaten it right away when I was a kid. Not sure how well his experiment stands up scientifically, but there is no arguing that the discipline to delay gratification in order to reach higher goals is generally a good thing to develop. Enjoyed your further perspective on the subject. Thanks!
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I laughed out loud at this. Thanks to you both for the entertainment and inspiring points.
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Cute kids, important message. The marshmallow experiment is a good example of why many people don’t achieve success.
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Thanks for sharing this great video. When I first saw it last year I had a real “aha” moment, realizing that I was often working from the standpoint of instant gratification. Revisiting it this morning is a real benchmark for some changes I have made. Hope it is as valuable to the rest of your readers.
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These are great ideas. I guess as children have less opportunities to be taught about self discipline in their day to day lives, it is more important to emphasize it from the beginning. 20 years ago, a parent knew if you had homework to do, and you went out with friends instead, you had more to learn about self discipline. It is much more subtle now. You have to really know what your child is up to if you want to tell the difference between them researching the internet for a school project, or chatting with their friends online. I guess it has always been true, though, that if you get to know your child, that you will have built the foundation of trust to teach things like self-discipline.
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These are all great suggestions! Planting a family garden and learning about the cycles and seasons in relation to that is something I have found helpful as well.
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